Tom rode the what????

This week I was watching PBS pioneers of television series, and they were talking about the history of game shows. They were explaining how not all comedians were good game show hosts and that the job of game show host is a lot harder than it looks. A game show host has to have thorough knowledge of all the rules and senarios involved with the game. They also must have an impeccable sense of timing so that they are ready for commercial breaks. In addition to having thorough knowledge of the game and impeccable timing, the host must be witty and charming to relate to and entertain the audience as well as the contestants. Then they had an analogy for how hard it was to be a TV game show host. They said it was like driving a car in reverse, down a winding mountain road as fast as possible, and cracking jokes at the same time.

I listened to all of this, and thought: I could do that! Most teachers could, because a teacher's job is very much like a TV game show host's. A teacher has to have in depth knowledge of the subject matter, the class activities, and the tools (technology etc.) they use to deliver their lessons. As if that weren't enough, they also need that impeccable sense of timing so that at the end of the class period, they are ready to move on to the next captive audience. There are just a few differences in the two jobs. If the same car-driving-down-a-mountain analogy were applied to teaching, first of all, there would be too many people in the car who were always trying to grab the wheel or jump out the windows, and the car would have to stop every 15 minutes for emissions testing which would cause the car to be behind schedule or not to ever reach its goal before taking on the next group of passengers.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I wouldn't really want to be a game show host. I love my job, and it is different. One day of playing monkey jeopardy to review for a math test is enough to convince me of that. Maybe it would be easier if I could just be the host and not have to come up with all the questions or the quirky props (squeaky monkey dog toy) to keep the "contestants" engaged. But I know that if I were a game show host, I would have a staff to take care of all the details, and I would completely miss out on precious moments like the one I experienced this week in class while we were correcting a math assignment.

I had the worked out solutions to all the homework projected on the screen. I blew the PDF file up to 200% size so that the students could see the problems they were correcting better, and suddenly, I noticed three boys who were pointing and laughing at the screen. "Look at that, Mrs. Wanty," they chortled. In the upper right corner of the screen was an answer to a story problem. We could only see part of the answer which read "Tom rode the fart." This was too much for all of us, and even though we discovered that the "fart" was really the "farthest", we had to discuss if the other meaning were really possible and what that would really look like, someone riding a fart. "Wow! story problems can be amusing!" I did not hesitate to say as I took full advantage of the teachable moment.

I wonder if that partial word ever showed up on "Wheel of Fortune", and if it did, were there any 7th graders or 7th grade teachers around to truly appreciate it? Probably not. Eat your heart out, Vanna!!!!

Teachers Say the Darndest Things

"Don't use that scissors to scratch his back!" I heard these words come out of my mouth this week, and the thought occurred to me as it so often does - "Wow! does that ever sound stupid, and what other job gives you the opportunity to say such things?" Working with 7th grade students, has given me many of these opportunities. I wish I had written down all of the stupid things I have said over the years. One thing I do remember saying once to a student was, "Please, don't lick the Kleenex." In his defense, it was that new virus-killing Kleenex, and he and his friend were just trying to figure out what made them different from the regular tissues. They first tore apart the Kleenex and realized it had three layers. The inside layer, because it tasted differently from the other two layers, they concluded must be where all the virus-killing power was. So it was a kind of action research project. Too bad they weren't in science class at the time. They could have written a stellar lab report about it and maybe even won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Then I started thinking about my dad and how he as a teacher said and did many goofy things. One thing he liked to say a lot was "I'll smack you so hard on top of your head that you'll have to untie your shoes to blow your nose." I've repeated this phrase, jokingly of course, to my students, and they don't really understand it. "Huh?" or a frightened stare is what I usually get from the students who just hear the "smack" part. I am quick to reassure the ones who take me seriously - "Don't worry. I would never harm you. (with so many witnesses around)." And if I say the last part too loudly, usually they laugh, nervously. Then someone always says - "Mrs. Wanty is a black belt" which is true but doesn't really matter. You don't need a black belt to control 7th graders - amusing and stupid words work much better!

Superstar

Another week in 7th grade, and I am still smiling (despite all the state standards, the long stretch before the next vacation, the absence of a snow day - Sigh). I had fun Friday night dancing at the Hollywood dance put on by the Peer Helpers. Good job, kids! I felt like a real superstar. I suppose that I really had fun because the teachers that I chaperoned with - Mrs. Wise and Mr. Kolberg - are so much fun to be around. I also am grateful for all the students who encouraged me to dance (maybe they just needed a good laugh) but it was fun, and I look forward to tearing up the dance floor (well really the multipurpose, cafeterium floor) again soon!

Back to the grindstone running with the bulls

Well, it's the end of the first week back at school, and it's funny how a 3 day week can seem to last a whole year. Honestly, it wasn't that bad, and the kids weren't as crazy as they sometimes can be after a long vacation. I don't have any big funny stories for this week, just a few, quick and amusing observations and something to be grateful for.

• First, I am grateful for oranges and the people who give them. Because of our singing before Christmas break at the local grocery store, we had oranges to eat for snack in homeroom Wednesday morning. The kids really enjoyed the oranges, and it just proves that when given healthy alternatives (except for prunes - but that's another story), they will like them. It was a sweet start to the week, and it made me feel like it would be a good thing to do again some Monday morning. Now we just need to find more people who will give us oranges for singing.

• Second, sometimes when my class is quietly listening, and another group is passing in the hallway, we overhear the strangest things. Sometimes it sounds as if the Tasmanian devil is trying to yodel while gargling lava rocks (I don't really know what that would sound like, but I was trying to think of something that would sound scary and strange.) Well, anyway, it made me think that a middle school hallway could be likened to a street in that town in Spain where they do the running with the bulls (can you tell I don't teach social studies), though maybe not quite as violent. Another weird thing about the hallway is that as soon as I hear those weird noises and I rush out of my room "to the rescue" then no one is there....I would think I was losing my mind if the kids hadn't heard what I heard, or maybe they are just humoring me. Hmm...

• Third, the stories the kids tell me about what they got in trouble for in another teacher's classroom are often very different from what I hear from that teacher. The story from the kid goes something like this - "All he did was jump up to reach something above the blackboard, and she gave him detention." And according to the teacher - "He ran from the back of the room, jumped and slammed himself against the blackboard, fell down and pretended to be hurt." Hmm...I wonder whose story includes more real details? Just kidding, or JK as the kids would say. I know exactly which story is more of the whole story. I believe good parents also know or make it their business to find out. Did I mention that I am grateful for those good parents?

Overall, it was a good week, and I believe that it was a great way to start a wonderful new year.