Teachers Say the Darndest Things

"Don't use that scissors to scratch his back!" I heard these words come out of my mouth this week, and the thought occurred to me as it so often does - "Wow! does that ever sound stupid, and what other job gives you the opportunity to say such things?" Working with 7th grade students, has given me many of these opportunities. I wish I had written down all of the stupid things I have said over the years. One thing I do remember saying once to a student was, "Please, don't lick the Kleenex." In his defense, it was that new virus-killing Kleenex, and he and his friend were just trying to figure out what made them different from the regular tissues. They first tore apart the Kleenex and realized it had three layers. The inside layer, because it tasted differently from the other two layers, they concluded must be where all the virus-killing power was. So it was a kind of action research project. Too bad they weren't in science class at the time. They could have written a stellar lab report about it and maybe even won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Then I started thinking about my dad and how he as a teacher said and did many goofy things. One thing he liked to say a lot was "I'll smack you so hard on top of your head that you'll have to untie your shoes to blow your nose." I've repeated this phrase, jokingly of course, to my students, and they don't really understand it. "Huh?" or a frightened stare is what I usually get from the students who just hear the "smack" part. I am quick to reassure the ones who take me seriously - "Don't worry. I would never harm you. (with so many witnesses around)." And if I say the last part too loudly, usually they laugh, nervously. Then someone always says - "Mrs. Wanty is a black belt" which is true but doesn't really matter. You don't need a black belt to control 7th graders - amusing and stupid words work much better!